Self-Care Triage
Recently, I experienced one of those tragedies that has the potential to undo a person. It’s the sort of thing that lands like a fog, inhabiting every empty space in one’s life. Clients asked, “How are you still working?” and friends asked, “How are you still functioning?” The honest answer was I have no idea.
A few times during this process, a healthcare professional or good friend would ask, “What are you doing to take care of yourself?” This daunting question was even more irritating. To me, self-care has always had an undertone of pedicures and bubble baths. I hadn’t run a bath for myself in at least a year, and the idea of parting with a full hour of a working day for something as silly as my pores was horrifying.
But I did emerge into a new routine, with my life and family in a new shape. As my daughter and I attempt to find our sea legs in these new waters, I’ve discovered that self-care is often about the tourniquet you place on the wound so you can heal later.
That means that sometimes self-care is the shower you spend in tears. Sometimes, self-care is checking your bank account and ensuring it still reads positive. Sometimes, self-care is deciding to do a load of laundry so you have options on what you wear tomorrow.
Certainly, there’s long term self-care, serving to help a mostly-well person not lose their energy and passion. But sometimes you’ve already lost it, and crawling out of that hole can be terrifying. Here are some things I did to survive, that can help you too:
1) Choose one thing. What one simple thing could you do today to save time, energy, and worry? Do you spend countless time sorting through you file cabinet looking for a particular file? Maybe spend ten minutes organizing your folders.
2) Be kind to future-you. It’s easy to sink deeply into the big, awful hurt. But if you do nothing tonight, you’ll wake up to an empty fridge tomorrow. That won’t make future-you happy. So take a moment to think about future-you as someone worth your care and concern. You are, after all.
3) Be honest with someone. If you’re like me, there are few spaces where you don’t want to feel confident and in control, but you need advocates right now. You need people to check in, drop off soup, and offer hugs. Go ahead; you’ll be that person for them next time they need it.
4) Be honest with a professional. Sometimes counseling, medication, or another therapy may be needed to push over the hump. There’s no glory in avoidance and there’s not heroism in silence. Reach out.
5) Do one nice thing for yourself. Do you love tea? Make a cup, and then just sit down and drink it. Don’t drink tea? Pour wine, water, beer, juice, coffee, or (my fave) a Pellegrino. Remember, you deserve nice things. Remember, you deserve the pause. Steel yourself. This isn’t getting easier yet, but you are tough, and you will survive.
